Sayings That Make No Sense

When you come to a fork in the road, take it.

-Yogi Berra                                                                                                            

One of the things that we’ve all done during COVID is to develop new pastimes that we pursue at home while maintaining social distance. One of the things that I did was to start maintaining bird feeders. At last count I have three seed feeders and two suet feeders. At one time I had two window mounted feeders attached with suction cups. However, squirrels continuously jumped at the window feeders, knocking them off and scratching the windows in the process. They were soon retired.

Of course, it was a short trip from bird feeding to bird watching. I have become quite interested in the different types of birds and often sit on the deck with my binoculars, spotting scope and bird books (and of course a martini or glass of wine). One day while watching the birds swarming the feeders, fighting each other for perch space and eating everything in sight, Margie and I were talking about a friend who just picks at their food. I commented that the person “eats like a bird”. Suddenly, watching how the birds really eat I got to thinking it made no sense to compare a picky eater to a bird, because birds seem to eat continuously and eat everything you put out.

Well, this got me thinking about other such sayings. The first one that came to mind was “work like a dog.” I’ve had a lot of dogs in my lifetime and most of them spent about 18 hours a day asleep, so I don’t know when all this proverbial work was supposed to have taken place. And the animal sayings just get better. How about “happy as a clam”? Are clams really happy? Would we even know? Would it make you happy to be buried in mud in cold water? Consider “fine as frog hair”.  I mean really, how does that even begin to make sense?  And then there’s “ bee’s knees”.  Even if we assume that bees have knees, why would that represent something cool or hip?

And the animal sayings that make no sense go on from there: “wise as an owl”, “sly as a fox”, “memory like an elephant”.  I’m sure you have many more of these that you can add as well.

A saying that has always bewildered me is “the exception that proves the rule”.  If there’s an exception is there really a rule or is it more likely a suggestion. And, why would an exception actually prove it? It would seem to me it would disprove it.

A friend recently reminded me of another nonsensical saying that has always left me scratching my head. I’m sure you all know: “in a New York minute”. So, is time faster in New York? Are New Yorkers too busy for a 60 second minute and need a shorter one? Just how long is a New York minute anyway? What if we discover a New York minute really is longer?

I’m working on this post on Thanksgiving Day while Margie is making a pumpkin pie. And that of course leads to the inevitable recalling of that great nonsensical saying “easy as pie”.  While eating pie might be pretty easy, making pie is not. Particularly, if you’re making a homemade crust. I once tried to make a pie crust. It proved to be far more difficult I had expected. And it certainly was not “easy as pie”.

As long as we’re talking about cooking, “a watched pot never boils”.  Of course, it’s going to boil.  It just seems like it won’t if you’ve got nothing better to do than sit and stare at it.

And “pardon my French”.  Why did French become a euphemism for profanity?  Why not German or Italian or maybe “pardon my Norwegian“?

Now on the surface it would seem that “ugly as sin” makes sense.  But with further thought, it’s the result of sin that is ugly.  Sin itself has to be pretty attractive for us to be so drawn to it.

“Cold as hell”.  No further discussion needed.

I’m sure everyone has their own favorite nonsensical saying.  Please share them with us. 

And, if you can explain why a mess has to be hot, I will be very grateful.

Finally, why do people say grumpy like it’s a bad thing? That’s the ultimate nonsense.