The Grumpy Doc

Grumpy opinions about everything.

The Triumph of Ignorance

“There are two ways to be fooled. One is to believe what is not true; the other is to refuse to believe what is true.” – Søren Kierkegaard

Saturday morning, I was reading in the newspaper about the resurgence of measles in West Virginia. I find it appalling that this disease should be returning, given that we have safe and effective vaccinations. What is next, polio, smallpox, or even plague? It is only through the unexpected veto by our governor that the ill-advised bill passed by our legislature to make all vaccinations virtually optional did not become law.

Some people may wonder why vaccinations are important. There are two principal reasons to ensure that a large portion of the population is vaccinated against communicable diseases. The first is that it reduces the individual vulnerability to disease. The person who is vaccinated is protected. But there is also a second, sometimes not well-understood, reason. That is herd immunity.

Communicable diseases require a large susceptible population to spread. When a significant portion of the population has been vaccinated the disease does not have the core of potential victims to allow spreading. This means that the vaccinated are protecting the non-vaccinated. However, it does require a large portion of the population to be vaccinated. The idea is that herd immunity will protect those who are unable to be vaccinated either due to age, allergies, or other medical conditions that would prohibit vaccination. Herd immunity is never going to protect a large proportion of the population who just choose not to be vaccinated. For example, about 90 -95% of the population needs to be vaccinated against measles to provide herd immunity.

So why do people who otherwise can be vaccinated choose not to be?

There are, of course, those who have true religious objections to vaccination. These people have long standing, deeply held convictions. Their opinions derive from study, prayer and reflection based on the tenants of their faith. They did not have a sudden anti-vaccine epiphany after listening to the poorly informed rantings of a demagogic politician.

There are many who mistrust the medical system. There were some cases in the past where unethical studies were conducted on unsuspecting populations. Given the rigorous oversight of medical research now, this no longer happens. Information about research into vaccinations and their safety and efficacy can be found on websites for the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and the World Health Organization among others. (Website references are provided at the end of this post.)

There are others who object to vaccination on the basis of personal autonomy. They believe their right to refuse vaccination outweighs any consideration of the health concerns of the frail members of our community. This is certainly not reflective of the spirit of charity towards all that I was raised with.

What concerns me most are those who refuse to believe reputable medical authorities, government agencies, and mainline news services. They prefer to get their information from anonymous websites or from conspiracy theory websites that still give credence to such sources as the now-discredited 1999 study linking the MMR vaccine to autism. They completely ignore the fact that 10 of the 11 reported co-authors disavowed any part in the published conclusions. They also ignore the fact that the principal author was found guilty of fraud for personal gain as he was employed by the manufacturer of rival drugs. They also ignore the fact that he lost his medical license over his falsifications in this study. Yet, he is still cited in anti-vaccine literature as an expert source.

Equally disturbing is the fact that vaccine resistance has become a part of political identification. Certain reactionary political groups have, for some unfathomable reason, decided that refusing vaccination is a badge of their political allegiance. They seem to care more about maintaining their political purity than they care about science, public health, or even the welfare of their family and friends. Politicizing public health is dangerous for all of us. I’m not sure how we overcome this. It is easy to find the truth and verify it through fact-based studies, yet people refuse to do it.

I encourage everyone to work hard to ensure that our political leaders do not remove vaccination mandates for school children. For those of us of my age, we already have immunity through vaccination or prior exposure to the disease. It is our grandchildren and their children and their children’s children who will suffer through the return of these deadly diseases.

SOURCES:
World Health Organization: https://www.who.int/health-topics/vaccines-and-immunization#tab=tab_1

CDC: https://www.cdc.gov/vaccines/index.html https://www.cdc.gov/vaccines/hcp/vis/index.html

WV DHHR: https://oeps.wv.gov/immunizations/Pages/default.aspx
Immunise.org: https://www.vaccineinformation.org/

Fun with AI

Depending on what you read, Artificial Intelligence will either be the greatest advancement in the history of humanity or it will be the end of civilization as we know it. I’m not sure if it will be either of those, but I do know I’ve been having a lot of fun with it. I’ve been using chatGPT, a popular form of AI for a little over a year. I first used it to help me research blog ideas and, for the first time, I used it to edit my most recent post. The text feature is what we most often think about when considering chatGPT, and I’ll talk about that in a future post, but today I want to tell you about DALL-E, a feature available on the enhanced version.

DALL-E is an AI powered image generator that creates original images based on user input. I have always thought the banner illustration for this blog was boring and wanted to create a new one. I tried using stock images but you always run into copyright and fee problems. When I discovered DALL-E, I realized it was the answer to my problem. I just didn’t know how much fun it would be.

My first attempt was to simply enter the command: “Generate images for the home page of a blog titled The Grumpy Doc”. These were the responses I got.

I thought they looked pretty good, but obviously I don’t have a beard so I tried a few more. I entered for him to have gray hair and glasses and be clean shaven. I got what looked like a gray haired 14 year-old with a lab coat and a stethoscope. When I said make him look older, it gave him a gray beard. When I said make the beard go away, it turned it brown. I went through a variety of commands for images in a realistic style and a cartoon style with many various other instructions. The more detailed the instructions you give it, the better images you will get. One caveat, it will not generate images of actual people or of copyrighted material. I probably generated almost 100 images for this project. Here are few of those images.

DALL-E has some trouble depicting human emotion. It doesn’t seem to distinguish between grumpy, angry and just plain mean.

When I asked DALL-E for a whimsical or sly smile, I got this down right goofy look.

Being a hefty guy myself, I asked for The Grumpy Doc to be a little heavier:

Please, no wisecracks about how that looks just like me or you may be in my next blog.

Sometimes the images just don’t make sense. In the image below you will see a stethoscope tube that doesn’t connect to any thing, book titles in no known language and a dial with unrecognizable symbols. Look at some of the above images and you will find many of the same types of mistakes. It is almost like a built-in game.

When asking for text or a title you have to check closely. Sometimes it is fine; other times there are subtle mistakes. One of the pictures above has one of those. See if you can find it. Other times you get something like this:

The one human emotion that DALL-E seems to be fine with is confusion or indecision.

Now what’s that all about?

Navigating the Ballot Box

A Guide to Becoming a Better Voter

As a citizen, one of your most powerful tools for shaping the future is your vote. Yet, in an era of information overload and political polarization, the act of voting has become more complex than ever before. How can we ensure our voices are heard and that we make informed choices? Here are some strategies to help us become more engaged in the democratic process so that we will be better voters.

Engage in Civil Discourse

  • Respectful dialogue and healthy debate are essential components of a functioning democracy. Engage in discussions with friends, family, and colleagues with diverse perspectives, but remember to keep conversations civil and constructive.
  • But how do we go about engaging a friend whom we believe may hold opinions different from ours. Telling someone they are wrong is a sure way to reinforce their opinions.
  • It is better to ask them in a non-accusatory way to explain why they hold those beliefs. You might consider such questions as these. Tell me what it is you like best about your candidate or issue. How did you come to develop that opinion? What sources of information do you normally rely on? How did you choose those sources?
  • This approach can help people understand the fallacies of their own positions when they discover they can’t adequately explain them to someone else. (Assuming, of course, that it’s not your positions that are based on fallacies, in which case you may need to do the explaining.)
  • Practice active listening and empathy. Seek to understand differing viewpoints rather than dismissing them outright. This is hard to do, and I struggle with it often. (After all, how could The Grumpy Doc be wrong?)
  • Be open to changing your mind based on new information or perspectives. We all know how difficult this can be. We need to remember that growth and learning are integral to the democratic process.

Educate Yourself

  • Before heading to the polls, take the time to research candidates and issues on the ballot. Seek out information from multiple sources, including reputable news outlets, candidate websites, and nonpartisan voter guides. Avoid anonymous websites and flyers attributed to vague groups.
  • Look beyond soundbites and slogans. Dive deep into candidates’ platforms, voting records, and policy proposals to understand their positions on key issues. Look at what they did and said before they decided to run for office. This may give you better insight into their core beliefs. It is important to understand the person behind the campaign image.
  • Don’t overlook local elections. While national politics often dominate the headlines, local officials have a more direct impact on your daily life by their handling of issues like education, public safety, and infrastructure. Fact-Check!
  • In today’s digital age, misinformation and fake news abound. Fake news itself has become a campaign issue. Arm yourself against misinformation by fact-checking claims and statements made by candidates and in their political ads.
  • Consult fact-checking websites like FactCheck.org, PolitiFact.com, and Snopes.com to verify the accuracy of information before making decisions.
  • Be wary of partisan sources and social media echo chambers that may perpetuate false narratives. Cross-reference information from multiple reliable sources to ensure its credibility. Don’t assume that because it’s online it must be true. (See my earlier post on critical thinking.)

Get Involved

  • Beyond casting your vote, consider participating in political activities or community groups. Volunteer for a political campaign, attend town hall meetings, or join grassroots organizations working on issues you care about.
  • Advocate for policies and candidates that align with your values. Write letters to elected officials, sign petitions, and participate in peaceful demonstrations to make your voice heard.
  • Encourage voter participation among friends, family, and neighbors. Help register voters, provide transportation to the polls, and share reliable voting information to ensure everyone can access the ballot box.

Hold Elected Officials Accountable

  • Remember that voting is just one part of your civic duty. Stay informed about the actions and decisions of elected officials after they are in office.
  • Hold elected officials accountable for their promises and commitments. Contact them regularly to express your opinions on legislative matters and advocate for policies that reflect the will of the people.
  • Stay engaged between elections by attending town hall meetings, participating in local government committees, and staying informed about upcoming legislation that may impact your community.

If we embrace these principles and actively participate in the democratic process, we will become better voters and contribute to a more informed, inclusive, and responsive society. Our voices matter, and our votes have the power to shape the future of our nation and our communities.

Remember, democracy is not a spectator sport. It requires the active engagement and participation of informed citizens like you. The right to vote has been hard fought over many generations and it is coming under attack by groups intent on suppressing differing opinions. So, let’s roll up our sleeves, do our homework, and make a difference at the ballot box. Our democracy and our future depend on it.

What Is It About Ramps?

It is time for my annual reposting of the blog about ramps, a widely unappreciated source of air pollution in West Virginia.

For those of you who haven’t been blessed to live in Appalachia, ramps are a type of wild leek in the onion family. They have a very pungent flavor that is like a highly garlicky, sulfureous onion. They have a short season in the spring and are highly prized by those who enjoy them.

If you think politics can be contentious, you haven’t seen anything until you’ve seen the disagreements about ramps. You either hate ramps or you love ramps. There is no middle ground and almost no one is neutral on the subject.

Those unfamiliar with ramps might think, “If you don’t like them, just don’t eat them.” Well, it’s just not that simple. If you think garlic or onions can give you bad breath, just standby.

Ramps may give you the harshest breath that you’ve ever experienced. But that’s not the worst part. The odor of ramps will radiate from your body for several days. Despite much folklore about the best ways to rid your body of the odor, the only thing that works is the passage of time.

I can remember many years ago when I was in school, kids who would eat too many ramps sometimes would be sent home because the odor was just too much to bear in a closed classroom. There were times when I thought eating ramps might be worth it if I got a day off school. Ultimately, I decided maybe school wasn’t so bad.

The spring of my senior year in high school a buddy and I decided to go to Richwood for the annual ramp festival. Richwood sits in a river valley and as we started down the hill, we could see a haze hanging over the town. As we got closer to the festival site I was almost driven back. I grew up in a town with several chemical plants so I thought I was used to bad odors in the air, but was I ever wrong. The only thing that kept us going was free beer. We had both just turned 18 and could legally drink.

Even the federal government has declared ramps to be a public nuisance. The editor of the Richwood weekly newspaper once mixed ramp juice with the ink for a special edition. The smell was so bad the post office refused to deliver the paper and destroyed all the copies in its possession.

People who love ramps talk about the many ways to cook them. In the spring in West Virginia restaurants seem to continuously look for new ways to present ramps during the few weeks that they are available. They have ramp burgers, ramp pimento cheese, ramp jelly and ramp omelets. There has even been the misguided ramp infused wine. It seems to me that most recipes involve ways to disguise the flavor of ramps.

It’s not just when they’re cooked that they put off this objectionable odor. Even raw they can be hard to deal with. I was out in the country with my brother and his wife when she decided to pick some ramps (leaves only, the bulb is left to grow next year’s crop). Let me say I was glad we drove out separately. He said it was at least three days before the smell of ramps was cleared from the car. He joked that while ramps may not be grounds for divorce, they certainly could be grounds for temporary separation.

If you love ramps, I hope you enjoy them. Just make sure everyone else has enough warning to avoid you during ramp season. And that is The Grumpy Doc’s opinion about ramps. Be sure and leave a comment with yours.

What We Need Is Old Fashioned Horse Sense

This was shared by my friend Leigh. The problem of critical thinking summed up in one picture.

Critical Thinking

Tomorrow, February 15, 2024 is the first West Virginia Critical Thinking Awareness Day. In recognition of this event, I am republishing this post from January of last year. This day was declared by the West Virginia Legislature. I will allow you you apply your own critical thinking to the irony of that statement. This was due largely to the efforts of the West Virginia Skeptics Society. I need to find out more about them.


Recently I have been reading about the significant increase in childhood diseases that previously had been well controlled with vaccines. There are a number of factors at play here. One is the pandemic which has reduced doctor’s visits and with it some routine vaccinations. But the most significant factor is the resistance among the vaccine deniers not just the COVID vaccine, but vaccines in general.

This is especially troubling to me. These are people, many of whom are well educated, who have chosen not to vaccinate their children or themselves. The majority of these decisions are based on misinformation which has resulted in faulty decision making. I’ve addressed this in a previous post entitled Fake News. However, I would like to address some additional issues related to what is commonly called “critical thinking”. The ability to apply critical thinking would most likely have resulted in a far smaller vaccine denial movement and fewer deaths and disabilities.

Just to start, I’m going to repeat the definition of critical thinking I used in that post. “Critical thinking is the intellectually disciplined process of actively and skillfully conceptualizing, applying, analyzing, synthesizing, and/or evaluating information gathered from, or generated by, observation, experience, reflection, reasoning, or communication, as a guide to belief and action.”

That post was principally geared to critical thinking in adults. I wanted to discuss how to gather information, evaluate it and make a rational decision. I’ve come to realize, that by the time we are adults our method of thinking is very close to being set in stone. If we are to make a significant impact on the way our population evaluates data and makes decisions, it must start with the children.

I believe that the two pillars of early education should be reading and critical thinking. Admittedly, I am not an educator, but I believe if you can read you can teach yourself anything. But you also need the ability to decide what you should believe. The framework for being able to make these decisions is critical thinking.

In some ways critical thinking has been taught in the past, often as the Socratic method. Elements of it have been in specific courses such as philosophy, logic, and scientific investigation. These courses are usually designed for older, advanced students who most likely have already developed these skills or have a natural inclination to pursue such inquiry and evaluation.

For most students, if they haven’t learned how to gather information, evaluate competing ideas and draw coherent, fact based conclusions by the time they are in high school, it may be difficult for them to do so. Critical thinking must be a substantial part of education from the beginning. It cannot be a separate course. It must be integrated into the way every subject is taught. Students shouldn’t just be given rote information to be memorized. They should be taught how to think and evaluate and then they should be provided with all the information necessary to make their own informed decisions.

What does this mean? It means that all sides of a topic should be covered. There should be no forbidden subjects. There cannot be an effective analysis of competing information if only one side is presented. This needs to begin in the very first years of education. After all, as Americans we want education not indoctrination.

The ability to develop critical thinking and to make informed decisions requires the exposure to all varying ideas without any value judgment being attached by the teacher. The idea of an academic “safe space” where students are insulated from hurt feelings presupposes that they are unable to evaluate competing ideas and must be protected. This is the very essence of indoctrination and should be an anathema to education.

Children need to learn that the world is not a safe place. If they are not exposed to the competing ideas, how can they be expected to evaluate and recognize the harmful ones.? If they are only exposed to one side, they will come to believe that side is the only true side regardless of its value.

I will use myself as an example. There were no efforts to teach critical thinking when I was a student. We were taught that everything presented in class was the right thing, and we were not to question it. Well, this might be true in math and most science classes, it is not true anywhere else. It was not until well into my adult years that I recognized many of the things I had been taught were the result of societal prejudices and in some cases even ignorance. As a result, like many people, I tended to defend my long-held opinions even after I recognized their weakness.

I was very slow to adopt new ideas. Many of the opinions I now hold are far different from those with which I grew up. Critical thinking was not easy for me; challenging your core values never is. We don’t want our children and grandchildren to have to suffer through the same weakness of thought that we did.

How could evaluating competing information that is part of critical thinking have helped prevent the wide scale vaccine denial that we are currently experiencing? Many rumors are being spread about COVID and about the COVID vaccine, just as they have been about other vaccines in the past. There were many rumors that the disease did not exist and that the deaths were faked. These rumors are still on the Internet. They never had any verifiable source and anyone taking the effort to view the data would know that there was a significant death toll early in the pandemic.

The effectiveness of COVID vaccination can easily be checked on the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention website www.COVID.cdc.gov. A study in November 2022 shows unvaccinated Americans had a 16 times (not percent) higher rate of hospitalization compared to the fully vaccinated and a study from January 2022 shows the unvaccinated had a 12.7 times higher COVID related death rate.

There were many reports about side effects of the vaccine. Checking available medical sources, it was easy to discover that while there are some side effects, there are many misstatements or exaggerations about the COVID vaccines. The side effects are similar in frequency to other vaccines and medications in general. Vaccine side effects tend to diminish as the vaccine is improved in subsequent versions. A detailed review of COVID vaccine side effects can be found on www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/vaccines21.

Social media were quick to jump on every alternative to vaccination. It took very little research to realize that none of these alternatives (think Clorox) had documented medical justification and had never been effectively studied. The supposed studies that were cited were either significantly flawed or could never be duplicated or even be found. Because they had no experiencing in critical thinking, many people accepted the unsupported statements that most satisfied their desires, either politically, socially or medically and adopted them as truth. Unfortunately, this failure in critical thinking resulted in hundreds of unnecessary deaths and severe illnesses.

I have not updated this post because I am currently working on a series of articles that further develop this idea.

Concessions to Aging

As I get older, I find myself making more and more adaptations to changing physical and mental abilities. I sometimes deny that I’m making these changes because I’m getting older. I’m just developing new habits as a matter of convenience, or I’m no longer taking part in activities that I have convinced myself I no longer find interesting.

The easiest things to notice are balance changes. I know that this is a result of aging and is easier to accept because it is so common. I find myself using handrails more often and being more careful with steps. I am very particular about foot placement because I tend to drag my feet, making me more susceptible to tripping. This is a common finding among people in their 60s and older. (That’s the reason why your doctor asks you about falls.) Margie continually reminds me not to look at my phone while I’m walking.

I am also careful about how quickly I stand up. When I first get up in the morning I’ll sit on the side of the bed for a few seconds before standing and then stand for a few seconds before walking. Our body is designed so that heart rate and blood pressure change with body position to keep the brain perfused. As we get older, adaptations lag. You must give your body time to catch up to avoid the brief lightheadedness that can accompany postural change, particularly if you take blood pressure medicine. Not allowing time to adapt may cause stumbling or falling, especially during those middle-of-the-night bathroom trips.

Of course, I don’t have to tell anyone that a good night’s sleep now means I only get up twice to go to the bathroom. As long as I can go back to sleep, I’m happy.

I find that my fingers don’t always do what my brain tells them. I sometimes have trouble buttoning the cuffs on my shirt. I don’t know why that should be such a problem, but occasionally it can be difficult. Thankfully I seldom ever wear a tie anymore; collar buttons are a real challenge. Sometimes things work just fine, making it all the more frustrating when they don’t.

I find myself making lists and keeping a more detailed calendar. At first, I told myself this was just a minor concession to being busy. But I’ve always had a good memory and seldom had to write things down. Now, I know if I don’t write it down, I may not remember it. Sometimes I even forget that I’ve written it down.

I occasionally have trouble remembering things people tell me. At first, I chalked this up to hearing. However, I used to be able to recall detailed descriptions and directions almost verbatim. I now take detailed notes to ensure I keep things straight.

Memory was the first problem that concerned me. I could tell something was slipping and I wasn’t sure what to do about it. Fortunately, technology is a help. I put reminders on my phone which sounds an alert when I’m supposed to do something. Unfortunately, that doesn’t make it any less frustrating when I don’t remember having set the alert. The voice recognition app is a great way to take notes quickly and easily and they can be readilyconverted to text. An added benefit is that learning these new technologies helps keep the mind sharp.

I now recognize that the wisdom and understanding that come with many years of experience outweigh a quick memory. Sound judgement is more important than a rapid answer.

On the physical side, I gave up motorcycle riding and skiing about 12 or 15 years ago because of concerns about reaction time and balance. In large part, this was motivated by the fact that in the emergency room, I saw a disproportionate number of older men seriously injured in motorcycle accidents.

I’ve also given up using anything more than a small step ladder. The extension ladder is only a faint memory.

I’ve given up doing any type of heavy lifting such as furniture moving. Two years ago, Margie and I were helping our son move. I went to move the dryer and Margie said, “Don’t try to lift that, you’re going to give yourself a hernia.” Well, I went ahead and moved the dryer. Three weeks later I had hernia surgery. To her credit, Margie never said “I told you so”. She didn’t have to. As my friend Roy told me a while back, “The main reason old men get hurt is thinking they’re still young men.”

The bicycles pictured at the beginning of this post are yet another concession. Margie and I still enjoy riding, but stiff knees and hips make it increasingly difficult to get on and off a bicycle. Also, the normal forward-leaning riding position is hard on backs and necks. Margie’s cousin Mary recommended these bicycles. Now we can still enjoy our rides. The step-through design makes it easy to get on and off and the upright riding position makes it more comfortable. We are very happy with our “geezer cruisers”.

A couple of final comments and then I’ll wrap this up. I have started shopping for slip-on shoes with cushioned soles. As we get older, we lose much of the fat pad on the bottom of our feet, causing our older leather sole dress shoes to be less comfortable. While I am ready for slip-on shoes, I am not, I repeat not, ready for Velcro shoes. And I am certainly not ready to be called elderly. Old is a fact of life; elderly is a state of mind.

Who Were The Huguenots?

François de La Nouea, a Huguenot Captain

Today’s post is a guest column by my wife Margie. This first appeared in the January 2024 issue of the newsletter of the Daniel Boone Chapter of the Sons of the American Revolution.


One day I received an interesting text from my cousin, Mary. She had been accepted into the Huguenots Society and said that due to our lineage, I could be a member. So, with her help, I am now a member. The Huguenots were French Protestants who were active in the 16th and 17th centuries. They were forced to flee France due to religious and political persecution. The Huguenot Society of America was founded in 1883 to perpetuate the memory of Huguenot settlers in America. George Washington was the grandson of a Huguenot on his mother’s side. I am a descendant of Barbara de Barrette who was a Huguenot and lived in Valenciennes, France, around 1657. She married Garrett Van Swearingen and they settled in Maryland. Last October John and I enjoyed going to the 2023 Huguenot Society of America Conference in Macon, Georgia. We had never been to Macon and enjoyed meeting fellow members and visiting historic landmarks such as the Hay House and the Cannonball House and, of course, eating great southern cuisine. Check the internet to find out more about the Huguenots. It is very interesting reading and who knows, you, too, may qualify as a member!

If you would like to contribute a guest post, please contact me. The Grumpy Doc can always use a little help from his friends.

A Time For New Year’s Resolutions

New Year’s resolutions aren’t as popular as they used to be, but this is the time of year when we start thinking about all the things we should do, all the things we want to do and all the things we probably won’t do. But wouldn’t it be nice if we could just enroll in a simple, study at home course to gain all those longed for skills?

With that in mind, I’m going to share with you the Adult Self Education Course Catalogue from the Institute for Advanced Self-Delusion. An earlier version was shared with me by my friends Jane and Leigh. Alas, the original author is unknown. I have taken that original and made additions, deletions, and revisions, all to meet my personal needs for self improvement.

Adult Self Education
Institute for Advanced Self-Delusion
Course Catalogue

Self-Improvement
SI 101 Creative Suffering
SI 102 Overcoming Peace of Mind
SI 103 Singing for the Tone Deaf
SI 104 Guilt as a Lifestyle
SI 105 The Primal Shrug
SI 106 Ego Gratification Through Apathy
SI 107 Molding Your Child’s Behavior Through Guilt and Fear
SI 108 Dealing with Post Realization Depression
SI 109 Whine Your Way to Alienation
SI 110 How to Overcome Self-doubt Through Pretense and Ostentation
SI 111 Finding Contentment Through Willful Ignorance

Business and Career
BC 101 How I turned a $50,000 Investment into $100 Through Real Estate
BC 102 Money Can Make You Rich
BC 103 Financial Opportunities from Unsolicited Emails
BC 104 Selling Your Unneeded Organs for Profit
BC 105 Underachiever’s Guide to Very Small Business Opportunities
BC 106 Tax Shelters for the Bankrupt
BC 107 Panhandler’s Guide to American Cities
BC 108 Flatulence for Fun and Profit

Arts and Crafts
AC 101 Self-Actualization Through Macramé
AC 102 Cuticle Crafts
AC 103 Bonsai Your Pet
AC 104 Cheap Gifts for the Ungrateful
AC 105 Abstract Stick Figures for the Untalented
AC 106 1001 Uses for Cat Hair

Home Economics
HE 101 Convert Your Vacuum Cleaner into an Automatic Weapon
HE 102 Convert Your Family Room into a Garage
HE 103 Burglar Proof Your Home with Concrete
HE 104 Convert Your Wheelchair into a Dune Buggy
HE 105 How to Tell If Your Smart TV Is Spying on You
HE 106 The Paranoid’s Guide to Alexa
HE 107 Landscaping: An Expensive Way to Feed the Deer

Health and Fitness
HF 101 Creative Tooth Decay
HF 102 The Complete Guide to Sinus Drainage
HF 103 Exorcism and Acne
HF 104 Joys of Hypochondria
HF 105 Living the High Fiber Life
HF 106 Biofeedback and How to Stop
HF 107 Skate Your Way to Regularity
HF 108 Tap Dance Your Way to Social Ridicule
HF 109 Optional Body Functions
HF 110 Why Do Smart People Do Stupid Things and Can They Be Cured?
HF 111 1001 Delicious Recipes for Kale (Never Mind, I Can’t Find Any)

Christmas in Colonial America

In the United States today, we have a very expansive view of what constitutes Christmas celebrations. We don’t find it at all unusual to see an inflatable Santa Claus next to a manger scene. The wisemen are as likely to be following neon snowflakes as yonder star. This combination of religious and secular is something that we just accept without a whole lot of thought. But it wasn’t always the case. In colonial America Christmas was celebrated in a mostly religious fashion when it was celebrated at all.

Colonial New England

Colonial New England was settled in large part by Puritans. They even extended their influence to areas that they did not initially settle. They went so far as to banish, and in some cases even execute people who did not agree with them. They were determined to create a society dominated by Puritan beliefs.

The Puritans did not favor Christmas celebration; they believed there was no scriptural basis for acknowledging Christmas beyond doing so in prayer. In 1621 Governor William Bradford of Plymouth Colony criticized some of the settlers who chose to take the day off from work because as Puritans he felt that they could best serve God by being productive and orderly.

The celebration of Christmas was outlawed in most of New England. Calvinist Puritans and some other protestants abhorred the entire celebration and likened it to pagan rituals and “Popish” observances. In 1659, the General Court of Massachusetts forbade, under the fine of five shillings per offense, the observance “of any such day as Christmas or the like, either by forebearing of labour, feasting, or any such way.” The Assembly of Connecticut, in the same period, prohibited the reading of the Book of Common Prayer, the keeping of Christmas and saints’ days, the making of mince pies, the playing of cards, or performing on any musical instruments. These statutes remained in force until they were repealed early in the nineteenth century.

It is important to note that Puritan hostility to Christmas was not because they did not believe in the divinity of Jesus Christ. They objected to the way the holiday was being celebrated. They disliked the excesses of Yuletide festivities in England. Christmas had become a time for the working class to drink, gamble, and party. The Puritans would not tolerate any sign of disorder and believed that it was an affront to God.

They tried to protest Christmas revelries while still living in England but had little impact. Once they moved to the New World where they were able to exert control, they would not condone any form of excess. Except, perhaps, an excess of piety and self-righteousness.

Any form of Christmas observance that did occur took the shape of fasting, prayer, and religious service. Even the famous New England cleric Increase Mather loathed Christmas and believed the holiday was derived from the excesses of the pagan Roman holiday Saturnalia. We shouldn’t think that Mather was completely humorless; he once called alcohol. “a good creature of God “. Drinking wasn’t bad, but like all things it must be done in moderation with complete self-control. That’s probably good advice for everyone, whether they’re a Puritan or not.

Middle Atlantic Colonies

Many of the traditions that we now consider part of the American Christmas have their origins in the middle Atlantic colonies, most notably in Pennsylvania. Many of these were brought by settlers of German heritage as well as some traditions brought by the Scots and the Dutch.

In Pennsylvania there were two quite different Christmas traditions, one of the protestant groups and another of the Quakers. They differed considerably in their approach to Christmas.

Some colonists celebrated Christmas by importing English customs such as drinking, feasting, mumming and wassailing. Mumming involved wearing masks and costumes and going door-to-door singing carols or performing short plays in exchange for food or drink. Wassailing was a tradition where people would go from house to house singing carols and drinking toasts to the health of their neighbors. Some non-Puritan New Englanders also continued these traditions but kept them private to avoid attracting the attention of the Puritan officials.

Many of the Christmas traditions that we think of as being a quintessentially American are derived from the settlers of German descent who were known as the Pennsylvania Dutch. These include celebration of the advent season, the decoration of the Christmas tree, singing of Christmas carols, the display of nativity scenes, and the exchange of gifts on Christmas Eve or Christmas morning. We can’t imagine Christmas without these things, but we seldom remember that it was our German American ancestors who gave us these wonderful traditions.

To me the most interesting and probably most significant tradition passed on by the Pennsylvania Dutch was what led to our current concept of Santa Claus. During the colonial period, they had the tradition of Beltznickle. He is depicted as a man wearing furs and a mask and having a long tongue. He’s usually shown as being very ragged and wearing dirty clothes. He had a pocketful of cakes, candies and nuts for good children, but he also carried a switch or a whip with which to beat naughty children. Beltznickle took the naughty and nice list very seriously.

He was a long way from Clement Clark Moore’s jolly old elf in ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas and the jovial Santa Claus that we know today from the original Coca-Cola ads of 1930.

Quakers had a much different approach to Christmas. They did not celebrate it at all. It is not that they were opposed to Christmas as were the Puritans. It’s just that they did not celebrate any holidays, Easter, birthdays or any other holidays. They had no set liturgical calendar, so they did not have an advent, or an Easter season or any other religious holiday. There is no central Quaker authority to set beliefs or doctrines. Each Quaker is free to decide how to observe religious traditions. They focus on spiritual reflection and social justice.

Non-Quakers did not always understand their religious beliefs or practices. Here is an example of how Quaker practices were seen by outsiders. Swedish naturalist Peter Kalm visited Philadelphia in 1747 and recorded the following observation in his diary:
Christmas Day. . . .The Quakers did not regard this day any more remarkable than other days. Stores were open, and anyone might sell or purchase what he wanted. . . .There was no more baking of bread for the Christmas festival than for other days; and no Christmas porridge on Christmas Eve! One did not seem to know what it meant to wish anyone a merry Christmas. . . at first the Presbyterians did not care much for celebrating Christmas, but when they saw most of their members going to the English church on that day, they also started to have services.
Apparently, Presbyterians were much quicker to adopt popular practices then were the Quakers.

Southern Colonies

Celebration of Christmas was similar throughout all of the southern colonies. We’ll consider Colonial Williamsburg as a proxy for the rest of the southern colonial region. This is largely because there is more information available about Williamsburg than other areas and because it represented what was the majority of practices at the time. The major religion of the southern colonies was Church of England and they followed those practices.

Religious services were a central part of their celebration. The majority of the religious observances were during the advent season, the four weeks leading up to Christmas which were a period of reflection on the significance of the coming of Christ. The southern colonies usually held Christmas Eve services although occasionally Christmas Day services were held. Christmas Day was considered a day of celebration and family feasting.

It should be noted that the Christmas celebration was only for the white population. If the enslaved people received a holiday for Christmas, it was only because the weather was too bad to work in the fields. And of course, the house slaves were expected to attend to all the needs of the Christmas celebration.

Margie and I decided to visit Colonial Williamsburg in December of 2019, the period we refer to as BC (before COVID). We’ve always had a special affinity for Williamsburg because that’s where we spent our honeymoon 52 years ago. I’m not sure exactly what I was expecting, perhaps a large inflatable George Washington holding a Christmas wreath. But it was much more understated than what I had anticipated.

According to our tour guide, even those low-key decorations were probably more than would have been evident in the colonial era. People typically decorated their homes on the day before Christmas and removed the decorations the day after Christmas. Decorations were usually limited to candles in the window and pine boughs on the tables and mantle pieces. Pine boughs were used to decorate the church in what was known as “sticking the church”.

At Colonial Williamsburg we saw many displays that included fresh fruits and pineapples. Our tour guide told us that those were too precious to actually have been used as decorations and might have been included as part of a table display to be consumed during the Christmas feast. Some people would even rent a pineapple to display on their table as a sign of their wealth.

The first Christmas tree did not make its appearance in Williamsburg until 1848.

The southern colonists were very social people. They enjoyed wassailing as did the people of the mid Atlantic colonies. They also considered Christmas as a time for feasting, dancing, and celebrations. Men of the upper class celebrated Christmas with fox hunts and other outdoor activities. Men of the working classes frequently celebrated Christmas with shooting matches and drinking parties. Women, of course, were expected to stay at home and prepare the meals. Christmas Balls were a common practice among the upper class of the southern colonies. They were often elaborate and included large banquets with musicians, dancing and occasionally masquerades.

Present exchange was not standard practice in the southern colonies. However, it was common to give children small presents of nuts, fruit, candy, and small toys. Adults generally did not exchange presents.

Virginian Phillip Fithians writing in his journal in 1773 gave the following description of a gather just before Christmas: When it grew to dark to dance. . . . we conversed til half after six; Nothing is now to be heard of in conversation, but the Balls, the Fox-hunts, the fine entertainments, and the good fellowship, which are to be exhibited at the approaching Christmas.

Life in colonial America could be hard, but that did not stop them from having a joyous Christmas celebration.

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